top 5 classes

number 5: lumpenproles

who wants to be one of these whores? it’s just like them to be devoid of any revolutionary potential. LAME!!

number 4: bourgeoisie

it sure is nice to have all those yachts… that is, it WOULD be if everyone didn’t hate you. that’s right, it’s no longer fashionable to be a cigar-smoking fat cat. and for what? all you did was appropriate surplus value.

number 3: proletariat

it has classic appeal: those who get stuff done. the buff guys at the dock, the tradeworker. the only revolutionary class! it’s kind of played out, though. don’t they ever stop whining? if we don’t pay enough attention to them, they’re going to plunge us into 1984 or even animal farm!

number 2: petite bourgeoisie

it’s all the rage! your relation to your labor is funamentally bourgeois, but everyone loves you. you are lionized as the true soldier in the war against The Man. nothing is taken into consideration without thinking of you first. “what about the small business owners? what about the artists?”

number 1: my mom

no one is exempt from the class system except, of course, my mom. everything she does is righteous and apolitical. any money she gives me came from nowhere. she’s going to leave behind a cozy plot of land, just for me.