update
since the last post, some count of things have been. my state has changed in some ways and stayed in some ways. it is quite hard to grok as a whole what my state is at the end of the day. yet, it must be said that a great large count of good things have, in truth, met me.
in a quite great count of times, I see no fruits in life. but, at least now, life has yet to cease in its fruits for me. I am of great luck. my angst is an ick of the mind, which holds me and chokes me at its whim, which kills my wills and mars my aims. I must bane it as its own strife.
and of course, it is not “life” on its own that has been good to me. it is those I love in it. this is my true great luck.